damage part deux

damage needs to come back

Hm?

What's the damage, gurl?

revitalized and dangerous

pick out who i am with

you things and your

nothings

and sometime smile

and scream to me in the corn kings court

only

after

let me sing

and i will think that

that

and sometime

sometime

think that i am right

A list of damages

So 2oh challenged me to make a list.

And so far I have 0, ZERO, 0 items for this list.

My needs are met, I guess.
And then perhaps I just don't NEED another FRIEND

I think the only thing I'm currently missing is that I don't feel as pretty, or for that fact very lovable, but that's my damage, and isn't that what this is all about... ?

Fixed

Fuck first aid. This damage might require second aid. And just what is second aid anyway? Whatever it is, I think I might just require that sort of repair.

Damaged Heart

The Q really did love DTMcD.

That is all.

Personal Damage

The q stands alone.

Galleria Damage : ChubFur

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Link Damage

Other people's damage.

http://qdb.us/?search=80675

A Day for Promoting Love

And I feel so very single
right about now.

raging

How do I kill the little monster screaming inside of me? He's sad and angry. He wants to fight and cry and he's dancing on my heart. I need it to go away.

what i'm getting

a year after our so-called resolution
my heart runs back to thoughts of you
the more i think about our so-called friendship
the more it remains my ideal relationship

we're having the relationship i can't have

i'm a drunk democrat


bill clinton on the view

you will be one too

gravel

i look at you sleeping
sleeping as i wish i could
i look at paris
finding it
breathing it

someday i want to be as quiet
and lovely

someday i want to be
in your dreaming eyes

it might be bloody
it might be horrific
but i want to be with you
there

smiling and sleeping and seething

nasty pussy

once again, a worthy embed.

the montauk project

i talk on the phone all day. its a job, and i've gotten used to it. there are still some things that i don't understand, and since i'm here i figure why not talk about them since i haven't posted anything worth anything in over a month.

in this age of communicatorial diarreah, where with each turn of a corner we are inundated with new ways to electronically piss in each others ears, we have finally come to the point where, yes, even the stupid people can use the higher end technology, and too often, much too often, they do. it's as if just because the phone is there and in their hands/pockets/purses/manbags they must find an excuse, any excuse to use it. i have felt that feeling, staring bored waiting for a bus to whisk me away to some new magical adventure, and suddenly my hand opens my phone and i look through the contacts, wondering who wants to hear the wonderful melodic lilt of my voice. i know the temptation. but i also don't give in.

the message here is quite simply, if you don't need to make the phone call don't do it. no one wants to talk to you. you are not special. your child is not special. nothing in your life is special. and no one cares.

that sort of was a lame rant wasn't it. not any of the OOMPH that i used to have. i'm trying to get that back. but i guess i have to practice. i haven't been mean enough lately. haven't hung out with Q enough lately, haven't done much of anything productive lately. sure i have something that makes me happy and delirious and crazy and i'm not talking about WOW. but i need to get my edge back. so i may throw up a few lousy posts, i may talk about things that nobody wants to hear about, but i don't care. this is about my damage too.

Sunday School

A song called Sunday School...

Because I'm gay for Jesus,
Fill me with your grace.
I said pour your love all over me,
But please aim away from my face.

Bo Burnham
Sunday School
Bo Fo' Sho'

Damage - House

Reasons why I won't got to YOUR house.

1. MY house has high-def cable.
2. MY house has internet.
3. MY house has comfortable furniture.

But Mostly...

4! MY house has a roommate that is NICE to house guests.

Galleria Damage - Your Mom

Because,

Your mom is a drunk!

hellfire

think of hellfire. the brilliance. the molten sulfuric nature of the world.

i smell damage, and sometimes it smells like sulfur.

sifl

i miss sifl and ollie so bad.....

hotlanta

i always wondered why they called it hotlanta

now i know

life in oz

i just read an article from an australian newspaper that says that a survey taken in 2006 came back with the result that most same-sex partners in oz didn't want marriage, or as they put it they didn't want a 'formal arrangement'.

what this goes to exemplify is the way that in this fucked up social swirly that we call the gay community there are a small group of people fucking it up for the rest of us. getting married might be sort of neat-o and shit but it's not something that a great majority of the gay community actively wants. but then we get those nose in the air jetta driving fags with the hrc sticker on the back of their cars (or the back of their necks) that like the poor kid eyeing the rich kid's sneakers burn with some sort of envy for everything that they haven't gotten or don't have. so they cry discrimination tearing at the collar of their express men v neck t shirt out of frustration and demand equality when most of the community is just fine without it.

now i do think that gay marriage is a good idea, but i don't like us begging and threatening and pleading and screaming for it. just like women's suffrage it will come in time and no amount of money from the gill foundation is going to speed that up.

rant rant rant poop.

he loves me, no?

I've been trying to remain aloof about our current affair, but the evidence of our affection is often damning. I missed him while I was away, even when I really tried not to feel any emotion about breaking our routine.

I'm worried that my insecurities forbid me from believing in, seeing through, or even imagining what might (or might not) be happening. Am I confident enough to accept what I want? Will my feigned disinterest drive him away? I hate when fear runs into the space of my imagination.

Damagewatch: IRC Damage

[joshtheripper] Brad do you have any issues with " burn in " on your plasma?
[knavebrad] nope
[joshtheripper] kool
[joshtheripper] How well does it handle blacks
[knavebrad] I have it bolted to the wall, so they can't really take it without some serious work

gentle sighs of disbelief

someone at work today asked me if i was going to get married. now some of you know that a long time ago i would have gotten married, but then again back then i was a dumbass that not only ruined my life but the lives of those around me with every blind turn i made. but when it comes to now i can't really say for sure either way.

i guess i could say that i'll wait til it's legal but that would be just a cop out. call me brangelina or something and throw me on a pink website with cum dripping out of my mouth. it's not something that i have really thought about since all the way back then, and now everything is so different. i'm older, but that's a given. i would like to say i'm wiser but maybe i should just say that i'm more experienced. but that is a decision i wouldn't even be prepared to make even if i was a little more traditional.

in an earlier post i mentioned my wife. it was a joke done for his sake mostly but my co-worker asking me that question today sort of made me think. am i ready to make that committment? am i ready to be with someone for the rest of my life? and i honestly don't know. unfortunately most gay men rarely ever confront that question, and i think that more should. sure, there are a mulititude of couples screaming out right now for equal rights and all that nonsense, but what is a marriage but an antiquated custom? at the heart of it really is a simple public announcement of two people that enjoy spending time together solidifiying that emotional contract.

and thinking more, i can almost agree with the religous right's claim that the gay's are trying to ruin marriage. i know. bad fag. but it might be a good thing. we strip down all marriage whether it be gay or straight and take away all governmental priveledges that have been assigned to a mostly religous tradition and bring it back to the simplistic ceremony it started as 1000's of years ago . maybe that's what we should be fighting for, true equality outside of the law, not just within it. equality of souls, not just the bodies they reside within. the reason why this is even plausible is that, in reality, we need to change our paradigm, not just some laws, in order to acheive any sense of equality or understanding.

illegal activity

so i am at work right now. it bring me back to when i used to do this every day all day long. i would sit at my workstation and have the little blogger window in the background and between the screams of the innocent and the howls of the judged i would write some fantastically stupid shit that didn't always quite make sense. but a lot of people used to read my old blog for a while. so if i start to do this again maybe i can get readership up and also maybe write some real posts like i used to rather than just random pictures of asian penises and movies about the kkk. plus, i think that since i'm at work my brain is already stimulated and my posts should be slightly more high minded. plus i can't do the whole picture or video thing here anyway due to the firewall. it was like training a crack ho to sit still. see, like right there it just took me 15 minutes to write this sentence. i'm starting to think that things are getting back to normal, or hell even better. we'll see.

how do you like your steak?

so my wife has this fascination with asian culture, or as he puts it

AZN

so in honor of him, behold:

Galleria Damage : Kunta Love

Aged

Are birthdays meant to be celebrated?
'cuz I don't want a party this year.

Hooray for getting older.
More hooray for getting wiser.

Ringy Dingy, bitch!

Rule #415
(dedicated to That Guy)


Don't tell a bitch you're gonna call when you ain't plan to call.

Be man (or woman) enough to be honest about your intentions. Although it is my damage, I still feel like I'm not worthy a little bit on the inside. I can own my shit.

Own your shit and tell the truth about where you are.

Boys, just call when you say you'll call. Even if it's to say, "No, thank you."

Get a Comb, bitch! (pt. 2)

Rule No. 85:
Do your hair.

Comb it, style it, shave it.
Just don't go out in public looking sloppy, on purpose especially.

For more info see Part 1.

now thats what i call art

i wonder if this installation is coming to denver?

johnny are you queer?

another blast from the past. remember when tim hardaway said he was homophobic and ann coulter said that john edwards was a faggot? i think this deserves to be resurrected.

rule # 21 - everything old can be new again.


the grim reality of ann coulter is that her remarks weren't entirely accidental. with the race for the presidency already in full swing what better way to make the sheeple look away from the drunken puppetmastery that has killed so many of their brave and obedient sons and daughters than to pick at the scabs of their hemorraged insecurties.

i know i sound like the looming shadow of darth emo, but for every one, person who stands up and realizes the inhumanity of the neocon crusade against a segment of society who are simply asking everyone to destigmatize an alternate expression of love there are those bizarro world born inbreds who think, and i quote, 'first that black guy that bounces a ball for a living and now the hot chick with the adams apple... wooeeee roscoe thats a call for our fag bashin sticks, we can cover up that tape of your sister and the donkey with somethin' else.'

it is reverse psychology used in the most insidious way. by making hate a public slander that is universally reacted to with disgust and disgrace, especially from someone, such as tim hardaway, that is supposed to be a role model, the reactionary zealots see that as a limitation to their freedoms and essentially becomes the proverbial feather tickling the toe of the sleeping giant.

ignorance in any form is viral, and multiplies faster than you can say ozark teen pregnancy. and like nuclear fission research in third world countries, ignorance inevitably acts as the calvary generals saber, a seemingly bright beacon that only leads to despair.

we can, like you, hope that this time more people wake up and smell the rotting white sheets they've worn to protect their private prejudices (or for some their private shame) and from the long sleep of supposed moral socialism to defend their ideals from this corporate sponsored second coming of blind imperialism.

wow. i used to use a lot of big words.

girl pants and pbr: where did we go wrong

i have to admit that in the past few months i have induldged in the dirty habit of drinking pbr. but when i do so i don't pay 3 dollars for a can of it at some psuedo dive bar that for kitsch value has a mohawk donned fag pretend to dj and play bizarre retro dvd's. i sit alone in the dark, or sometimes with the posse, and wish i had enough money to enjoy a real drink. in other words, i don't advertise the fact that, on occasion, i drink shitty beer. so on my nightly walks imagine the horror i felt witnessing not one, but multiple people walking down the street in girl pants drinking pbr as they mosyed from place to place. oh, and to clarify this was boys in girl pants.

10 years ago we used to roam the streets, like any respectable vagabond would, with our jnco baggies and our clandestine flasks of mountain dew and vodka. our poison was quick, our pants comfortable and in some cases functional. but i still have to think that this new epidemic is somehow our fault, somehow we paved the way for this abomination.

maybe it was when we stopped listening to nine inch nails and started listening to belle and sebastian. maybe it was when we decided to classify ourselves gen x and look down mockingly on this new gen why or whatever they want to call it. i really don't know but i can't help but feel that somehow it is our fault.

or maybe i just feel guilty for listening to my chemical romance.

Get a comb, bitch!

We're seeing more of this mess every day-- Fags 21-40 with messy hair all piled up on the top of their heads, faking out a mock of a false mohawk. What's this damage of flip-flopped ex-A&F, toilet-swirly brats all wanting to all look alike? They look like suburban republican kids and their pedophile Mr. Mom stepdads. Get a grip, Mary. Swish if you want to, but get your own damn beat. Who would've ever thought gays would be endearing capitalist trappings and white-washed facades. Someone get some Manic Panic up in here!

the past: almost

this post was on another site. i called it raising arizona.

breathe in

i've thought a lot about karma in the past few days, and karma has nothing but a fucking twisted sense of humor.

i became so stressed out i lost my voice. it wasn't alcohol or cigarettes or any other body damaging vices; those i kept in check. just at one point, i couldn't speak. maybe it was psychosomatic, and it was my higher self knowing that the foul thoughts that were circling my head should never be spoken like the infinite names of cthulu. or conversely, maybe i knew i had said enough, damning most with half sermons even hypocrites like ted haggard would be proud of.

(for example, at one point over the past week i announced that if someone had come hundreds of miles to embarrass themselves and everyone around them then they should all go to their hotel rooms now satisfied with a big fat mission accomplished, and if they needed any other motivation my foot in their ass was a handy option.)

now, alone for the first time discounting sleep in 2 weeks, i get electronic pleas for forgiveness. thanks for your hospitality....sorry you can't go to that bar for a few weeks... i meant i love you like a brother... i'm sure he'll speak to you in a couple weeks... just tell them i did it... i'll make it up to you....

am i bitter and selfish if i don't forgive? am i wrong to want to punish those that have wronged?

i know it sounds like gay drama, but i'm honestly not prone to that in real life, i just play a disgruntled fag on tv. i shouldn't care about my reputation, my social standing, but i do. and when i'm associated with a herd of drunk guys who don't realize that denver really is a mile high and unless you live here you should really watch your intake, or have my connections look at me sideways because i associate with the type that can't walk around the bar without exaggerating their inebriation, is that reason enough to condemn and chastise because it inconvenienced me?

if you didn't live your life right the first time, don't make me relive it all in one weekend as a learning experience.


although not related to my last post, this is an example of things that i used to write almost every day. why i started this blog in the first place. i need to get back there.

sordid kinda life

i thought about him a few times tonight. i saw a guy that sort of looked like his brother, the brave gay one that came out when he was 18 and didn't get married staring down a double barrel of a trust fund. i thought about where i would be.

we would be scrounging for cash, him between jobs and i mired in mine. we would be drowning our sorrows in local publicity, making our name from bar to bar; more to feed our habits and less to actually be personable. on weekends we would see his kids and visit their 'normal' life with a mother that sees us in the same frame as the sixth grade art project on the fridge. we would fight over missing time spent with each other, a forgotten glance or a missed word.

we would be right where we are right now.

but we would be together.

moderate singing

i went home tonight
and listened to mild musings
and thought a little

it
never happens this way
it shouldn't happen
this way

when i breathe

to the tv viewers

jack bauer had a black president and look what happened