Get a comb, bitch!

We're seeing more of this mess every day-- Fags 21-40 with messy hair all piled up on the top of their heads, faking out a mock of a false mohawk. What's this damage of flip-flopped ex-A&F, toilet-swirly brats all wanting to all look alike? They look like suburban republican kids and their pedophile Mr. Mom stepdads. Get a grip, Mary. Swish if you want to, but get your own damn beat. Who would've ever thought gays would be endearing capitalist trappings and white-washed facades. Someone get some Manic Panic up in here!

the past: almost

this post was on another site. i called it raising arizona.

breathe in

i've thought a lot about karma in the past few days, and karma has nothing but a fucking twisted sense of humor.

i became so stressed out i lost my voice. it wasn't alcohol or cigarettes or any other body damaging vices; those i kept in check. just at one point, i couldn't speak. maybe it was psychosomatic, and it was my higher self knowing that the foul thoughts that were circling my head should never be spoken like the infinite names of cthulu. or conversely, maybe i knew i had said enough, damning most with half sermons even hypocrites like ted haggard would be proud of.

(for example, at one point over the past week i announced that if someone had come hundreds of miles to embarrass themselves and everyone around them then they should all go to their hotel rooms now satisfied with a big fat mission accomplished, and if they needed any other motivation my foot in their ass was a handy option.)

now, alone for the first time discounting sleep in 2 weeks, i get electronic pleas for forgiveness. thanks for your hospitality....sorry you can't go to that bar for a few weeks... i meant i love you like a brother... i'm sure he'll speak to you in a couple weeks... just tell them i did it... i'll make it up to you....

am i bitter and selfish if i don't forgive? am i wrong to want to punish those that have wronged?

i know it sounds like gay drama, but i'm honestly not prone to that in real life, i just play a disgruntled fag on tv. i shouldn't care about my reputation, my social standing, but i do. and when i'm associated with a herd of drunk guys who don't realize that denver really is a mile high and unless you live here you should really watch your intake, or have my connections look at me sideways because i associate with the type that can't walk around the bar without exaggerating their inebriation, is that reason enough to condemn and chastise because it inconvenienced me?

if you didn't live your life right the first time, don't make me relive it all in one weekend as a learning experience.


although not related to my last post, this is an example of things that i used to write almost every day. why i started this blog in the first place. i need to get back there.

sordid kinda life

i thought about him a few times tonight. i saw a guy that sort of looked like his brother, the brave gay one that came out when he was 18 and didn't get married staring down a double barrel of a trust fund. i thought about where i would be.

we would be scrounging for cash, him between jobs and i mired in mine. we would be drowning our sorrows in local publicity, making our name from bar to bar; more to feed our habits and less to actually be personable. on weekends we would see his kids and visit their 'normal' life with a mother that sees us in the same frame as the sixth grade art project on the fridge. we would fight over missing time spent with each other, a forgotten glance or a missed word.

we would be right where we are right now.

but we would be together.

moderate singing

i went home tonight
and listened to mild musings
and thought a little

it
never happens this way
it shouldn't happen
this way

when i breathe

to the tv viewers

jack bauer had a black president and look what happened

hell

read this to the tune of this

(or this --q)

Damage Watch : February

WHOAH!
It's Black History Month.
I don't really know the rules of how this works.
So are we allowed to write about international black women?
What about people that aren't black.
Because I guess the Aborigines aren't black?

Okay anyway though... there was this war once called the Black War (wikipedia will tell you about it), and it starred this lady named Truganini (yeah she uses only one name), and she was a total fighter for women's rights and stuff.

This is her picture.

Happy Black History Month!

lost found empty

1994 he found me
1998 I lost him
because of me
my fear
my withdrawal
no confidence in joy

ten years later his tears rust my face
it's part of my damage
he will never go away

i worry that his love for me
was my one good chance
maybe my last dance

one more time
it's really all i need
enough disco for me

will i be found again?

something for everyone

co-post eilujsion

"...and on Halloween I dress as a, slave owner..."

Damage Watch : Mormons/Masturbation

Overcoming Masturbation

---

Masturbation is a quickly-forming habit that can adversely affect both men and women of all ages. Despite what some might tell you, masturbation is not harmless. If you are trying to overcome masturbation, be assured that it is possible (even though, like any habit, it may take some work). If you are determined to do it, you will be able to. This page will give you some tips that can help you along the way.

Determination is the first step. That is where we begin. You must decide that you will end this practice, and when you make that decision, the problem will be greatly reduced at once.

But it must be more than a hope or a wish, more than knowing that it is good for you. It must be actually a DECISION. If you truly make up your mind you will have the strength to resist temptations which will come to you.

After you have made this decision, then observe the following specific guidelines:

1. Never touch the intimate parts of your body except during normal washing and using the bathroom.
2. Avoid being alone as much as possible. Find good company and stay in this good company, especially when you are feeling particularly weak.
3. If you are associated with other persons having this same problem, YOU MUST BREAK OFF THEIR FRIENDSHIP. Never associate with other people having the same weakness. Don't suppose that two of you will quit together, you never will. You must get away from people of that kind. Just to be in their presence will keep your problem foremost in your mind. The problem must be taken OUT OF YOUR MIND for that is where it really exists. Your mind must be on other and more wholesome things.....

---

Hold on a minute...

Let's think about Item 3 for a minute. According to this guide, just being near someone that jacks off will make you want to jack off too! I did not realize that masturbation was contagious.

How do you go about making friend of like mind? When you chat casually is it okay in Mormon land to just ask if they masturbate, does this topic fit in casual conversation in Mormon circles?

Read the rest HERE. And hope your brain does not explode.

if only...

quite possibly a new sorta staple here on dhp...

if only....

Damage Watch : Wikipedia 1

This is the encyclopedic representation of "Human Body"

Found on wikipdia's entry on Human Body.

Splash

Ah, finally a space to play in the tide of truth without the burden of expectation. Don't we all like to get a little wet?

Damage Watch - Christians

From : fstdt

Just recently my son Bobby came out to me. I had been worried for awhile. His teachers said most of his grades were slipping and he seemed depressed and withdrawn.

Bobby said he'd been hiding it for awhile because he was afraid I would reject him. I sat him down and told him that I loved him and that God loved him, but that his salvation was in danger if he did not resist his unnatural tempations. I told him how being gay would mean he would live a shorter life, and that if he couldnt change his orientation he could be celibate like most the ex-gays are. He started crying saying something along the lines of "I knew you wouldnt understand! You're just like everyone else!" before running to his room and slamming the door.

What did I do wrong? I dont want to lose my son, but I fear I already have. I talked it over with his therapist, who had the ludicrous idea that homosexuality was unchangable and that trying to repress could lead to lots of psychological damage (I've dropped him and will try to be finding another therapist with more moral beliefs). I wouldnt be surprised if he's the one who's feeding my son all the homosexual propaganda about how its 'ok' to be gay. That, or how homosexuality has engulfed the media, making it seem 'cool' and 'hip' and how they were just another oppressed minority. You didnt have to worry about seeing two men making out on tv at my age! I dont want to sound like a fanatic, but Im worried what other effects will come out of this increasingly secular, immoral society obsessed with filth.

Am I too late? Or is it possible to save my son

Concerned Parents.
Damage.

Addendum

I am a bit troubled. I believe my son has a girlfriend, because she left a dirty magazine with men in it under his bed. My son is only 16 and I really don't think he's ready to date yet. What's worse is that he's sneaking some girl to his room behind my back. I need help, God! I want my son to stop being so secretive!

Concerned CHRISTIAN Parents.
Extra Damage.

Addendum 2

Me and like-minded Christian students are trying to organize a mock stoning of openly gay students at our campus. We will be using crumpled up gray/brown construction paper to represent rocks, and will recite bible verses in opposition to their sinful nature. We will throw a volley or two of these "rocks" at every Gay person we happen to encounter that day.

Concerned CHRISIAN Classmates.
Crazy Damage.

dead

"I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead; I lift my lids and all is born again. (I think I made you up inside my head.) The stars go waltzing out in blue and red, And arbitrary blackness gallops in: I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead. I dreamed that you bewitched me into bed And sung me moon-struck, kissed me quite insane. (I think I made you up inside my head.) God topples from the sky, hell's fires fade: Exit seraphim and Satan's men: I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead. I fancied you'd return the way you said, But I grow old and I forget your name. (I think I made you up inside my head.) I should have loved a thunderbird instead; At least when spring comes they roar back again. I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead. (I think I made you up inside my head.)" Mad Girl's Love Song by Sylvia Plath

freedom...

i'll let the article explain itself.

i just have one thought: you had your chance

damage

Damage Watch - NFL

Is this actual news?
Antother Baby Step To Equality!

Carey to be first black referee in Super Bowl

Associated Press

FOXBOROUGH, Mass. -- Mike Carey will become the first black referee in Super Bowl history.

Carey, in his 18th year as an official, was notified by the NFL office this week that he had the assignment for the Feb. 3 game in Mesa, Ariz.

The officials at the Super Bowl are chosen on merit, with the highest ranked at each position getting the assignment. Carey, who in his private life runs a skiing accessories company, has been among the NFL's top crew chiefs for a decade and has been a Super Bowl alternate, but has never been the referee.

Black officials have been increasing in number over the years. This season there were 26 on the 17 crews, a single-season high.

Blacks also have been well-represented in the Super Bowl at other positions, starting with Burl Toler, a former player, who was involved of several of the early games.

Copyright 2007 by The Associated Press

you dumb bastard

i'm angry.

i'm sick.

i'm angry and sick.

every day because of the media whore that i am read stories about the writers strike and about the effects on hollywood. i read about the solidarity of the writers guild and sag. and then i read about what really pisses me off. i read about the underpaid and overused people in the background that now can't feed their families because a small minded group of people that makes more money than 75% of the american public is crying for more money.

you selfish pieces of shit.

i understand your rights to your own work. i understand your sense of entitlement. what i don't understand is how you can ask for more money to fund your overpriced lifestyle while whole businesses shut down because of your inability to compromise. and don't blame it on big business or the man or whatever shit you think is holding you down. it's your own hubris and gluttony that is causing this tragedy.

get over it.

epic fail.

Damage Watch : Artistic Racism

Burning Man is a terrible excuse for poor behavior. There is a point when what you are doing is no longer art, or performance and you are actually just being ignorant. Case in point:

NEGATIVE CLOWN FACE


This is supposed to be a clown but in negative (notice the green nose) but in reality the green nose cannot hide the fact that your stupid ass is in BLACK FACE!!!

Ignorant.

Now everybody get naked in the desert and pretend this is spiritual!

words

Damage Watch 2008

Damage watch has been put into high gear.
2008 is sure to be filled with the most damaging events silly Bush loving Americans can create with his days in office being this limited. (383 to be exact)

Sincerely,

Team D.H.P.

dragons

Hired Help, A list.

1. Conseula
2. Lupita
3. Pilar
4. Esperanza Guadalupe Chavez
5. Rosalinda
6. Fidelia
7. Ynes
8. Juanita
9. Eldora
10. Ximena
11. Guadalupe
12. Solana
13. Larinda
14. Estrellita
    

decisions

i thought a lot today about all the horrible decisions i've made in the past 10 years that have brought me to where i am in my life. not that i'm unhappy... well at least not all the time. but darth emo can never be truly happy... it wouldn't match my boots.

anyway, what spawned this voyage into train wreck town's self pity station all started when i saw an ad on tv for jared polis. he's running for congress or some shit and just so happens to be a guy i used to hang out with quite a bit a few years ago. i think, at one time, i may have had a window at a relationship with the guy but i decided against it, and i really don't know why. imagine that, if my partner was some big politico taking me to wonderful soiree's for the gill foundation or parties at scott coors house. and then i thought again.

i don't want to hang out with those trolls.

part of what makes me who i am is that i hold disdain for that ubergay image that most of the self hating fags that run in the charity/political/activism circles try to portray for our community. i like my men dorky and average, who's sexuality isn't the only thing interesting in their conversational toolbox. i don't want to talk about what to tivo on bravo or if i saw the latest docudrama on logo. i don't want to be a part of the fanfare that is the gay life as envisioned by torch song trilogy devotees.

so it makes me think. i may be unhappy. but i'm happier than i would be.

best thing ever!

now this is the best example of culturism that i have ever seen! i thought it was gone from the internets forever, but here for your viewing enjoyment i present....

perfection

love

ethernopian

the kunta bible is funny. i laughed.

to clarify though, those are images from the ethiopian orthodox bible, which is the only bible that shows jesus as any other color than white in the modern world.

so therefore.... jesus is a kunta

Galleria Damage: KuntaBible

Three Wise kuntas


Kunta the Babtist

the right direction

personally i think we should all get together on 12/7 and go see the golden compass. not because its based on a newberry award winning novel that had a higher literacy value than most listed on oprah's brainwashed book club. not because it is a wonderful allegory for modern society along the lines of vonnegut and gaiman. not even because its pretty. no, let's go see it because the catholic extremists told us not to.

the catholic league, i'm sure spearheaded by the masked pope man and his sidekick nambla boy, has joined forces with focus on the family, a group that is so near and dear to my... city, and they have been circulating materials damning the book as a disguised atheist treatise meant to undermine the religious convictions of our oh so indoctrinated youth. regardless of the fact that the underlying theme of the the novel, and the novels which complete the trilogy, is one of compassion, tolerance, and the need to do good for your fellow man at any given opportunity. so what if the antagonising presence in the story is an antiquated religious hierarchy intent on controlling the known universe? what does that have to do with the catholic church? oh.... yeah.

what i find funny is that they would rather your 'impressionable' children go see movies like shrek, filled with thinly veiled sexual innuendo and fart jokes disguised as an all too transparent fable, than go see a film that actually might teach them something of value.

so therein lies the stupidity of these so called 'watchdog' groups. by protecting our children they are leaving them even more open to the cruelties of the real world and leaving them less prepared to face an increasingly dismal looking future.

so go see the golden compass. take your kids, your sister's kids, the formaldehyde fetuses from the mantle. if anything, just to piss off the pope.

peaches

has someone ever given you a jelly donut at 1 am......

just sayin

smoke and mirrors

i like to smoke. sometimes the only thing that gets me out of bed in the morning is a carcinogenic drag of brownish blue vapor tinged with chemicals and sometimes a strange minty aftertaste. and maybe some small part of me is glad about that seven minutes i take off my life with each butt in the ashtray. it's the physical representation of my emotional need to sabotage myself. it's my post grunge veiled attempt to be emo since i don't like to cut myself.

i mean i do sabotage myself all the time. the recent episode with a certain bdc goes to show that. every time things are normal for a while i make sure it all comes crashing down because i like to feel sorry for myself. the horrible part is that i know this. and i'm writing about it here....

on a brighter note:

waffleswaffleswaffles

umbrella

if only it was like this at the bar

i'm in love

------
ADDENDUM:
http://www.myspace.com/mattygthemusician

--q
------

back again

i'm back to the internet, but my phone is still down for those of you that have my number.

a couple of posts in my head, i should have wrote them down. i was too busy reading hellblazer.

barbed wire and bruises

there was this guy i knew a few years ago. he was 20 when i met him. he was one of those guys that would go to the club and walk around with a judgemental glare and an air of unwarranted superiority. his friends were selected from the pretty, from the popular, from whatever his mind had designated as the elite, as elite as a bunch of gay drunks could manage.

i don't want to use his name. if i did i might get lynched. that should be clue enough as to who he is.

**** was not innocent. people think that he was. the thought that went through his mind every night he went to the club was something around the neighborhood of who can stick the biggest dick in my ass tonight that hasn't done it already. he was the epitome of the slutty twink you see in movies and tv shows, the one with the daddy issues and the loose sphincter. most of the guys he would end up with were in their late 20s and early 30s, decently well off and had issues of their own to deal with. **** would spend his weekends with them and never speak to them again, and in some way that fulfilled both their needs albeit in a temporary manner.

i met him the first time about a year before many of you did. on the internet. the only reason we didn't meet in person was that he lived about 100 miles away, and lets just say that the visit would have been more than friendly or at least those were the intentions. a few months later we did meet in person, and i turned out to be too young for him. that was ok.. i normally don't go for guys that look like they never hit puberty either. that's when i noticed his m.o. so to speak.

he never talked to me again. oh sure he talked about me, about that pathetic guy that thought that i could actually hook up with someone like him, about the size of my manhood even though he hadn't seen it, about the horrible things that i had done to friends of his i had never met. and it turns out that i was not the only one who got this treatment. it was far worse for the guys that went farther.

without knowing this persons name, it sounds like the type of guy that most of us tend to avoid now that we are older and wiser. but now, these are the things that you never hear about this guy. he now has become a celibate philanthropist, an icon and a veritable saint.

i was supposed to be the saint.

on this day of ghosts, i'd like to take this time to say fuck you to one. thanks for your hatred. it made me the thing i am today.

Straight Boys & Gay Sex

Straight Boys & Gay Sex

"Of course, people said that the factory was degenerate just because 'anything went' there, but I think that was a very good thing. As one straight kid said to me, 'It's nice not to be trapped into something, even if that's what you are.' For example, if a man sees two guys having sex, he finds out one of two things: Either he's turned on or turned off - so then he knows where he stands in life. I think people should see absolutely everything and then decide for themselves - not let other people decide for them."

- Andy Warhol

FOUND (LINK)

jack

i use stereotypes and i'm not proud, but i do accept my faults.

i wish that there weren't stereotypes in any community, least of all ours. but its a prevalent practice for gay boys to fall into a category. we throw around words not realizing that we hold a molotov cocktail of messy.

bear, otter, twink, hunk, jock, daddy, cub, bitch, butch, dyke, queen, cowboy, bottom, top.

he. she.

i remember in a middle school civics class that there were two theories of a culturally mixed society, that of the salad bowl and that of the melting pot. the salad coexisted, but didn't adhere much to each other with a separate but equal stance. the melting pot had a remembrance of heritage but an unspoken equality that ignored it. we are a long way from the melting pot.

so i look forward to halloween. strange transition you may say.

i call halloween gay christmas. think about it. what other day can you celebrate creativity and diversity without stigma or distinction? at public gatherings of people of different races, creeds, colors, genders, and cultural bias get together and forget themselves behind masks and make up and imagination.

that is when we become the melting pot. only when we are truly outside ourselves can we truly accept each other.

The Phallic Threat

The Phallic Threat: Giant Penises and Similar Threat Devices

No other anatomical structure shows the behavioral crosscurrents between sex and status more clearly than the genitalia. One might think that the primary copulatory organs would be used only in displays of copulatory attraction, when in fact they are intimately linked to the biological signals of social status. In these next two chapters we can look at how genitalia are used in social interactions and how these uses have, in turn, changed the appearances of the genitalia.

[continue reading...]

RE: Cutting Humor

Galleria: MexEmo

This is a photographic response to : Cutting Humor

Galleria: Kunta Illustrated

Kunta 1.

Kunta 2.