12/17/2007

decisions

i thought a lot today about all the horrible decisions i've made in the past 10 years that have brought me to where i am in my life. not that i'm unhappy... well at least not all the time. but darth emo can never be truly happy... it wouldn't match my boots.

anyway, what spawned this voyage into train wreck town's self pity station all started when i saw an ad on tv for jared polis. he's running for congress or some shit and just so happens to be a guy i used to hang out with quite a bit a few years ago. i think, at one time, i may have had a window at a relationship with the guy but i decided against it, and i really don't know why. imagine that, if my partner was some big politico taking me to wonderful soiree's for the gill foundation or parties at scott coors house. and then i thought again.

i don't want to hang out with those trolls.

part of what makes me who i am is that i hold disdain for that ubergay image that most of the self hating fags that run in the charity/political/activism circles try to portray for our community. i like my men dorky and average, who's sexuality isn't the only thing interesting in their conversational toolbox. i don't want to talk about what to tivo on bravo or if i saw the latest docudrama on logo. i don't want to be a part of the fanfare that is the gay life as envisioned by torch song trilogy devotees.

so it makes me think. i may be unhappy. but i'm happier than i would be.

0 comments: