11/16/2007
11/15/2007
umbrella
if only it was like this at the bar
i'm in love
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ADDENDUM:
http://www.myspace.com/mattygthemusician
--q
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11/14/2007
back again
i'm back to the internet, but my phone is still down for those of you that have my number.
a couple of posts in my head, i should have wrote them down. i was too busy reading hellblazer.
10/31/2007
barbed wire and bruises
there was this guy i knew a few years ago. he was 20 when i met him. he was one of those guys that would go to the club and walk around with a judgemental glare and an air of unwarranted superiority. his friends were selected from the pretty, from the popular, from whatever his mind had designated as the elite, as elite as a bunch of gay drunks could manage.
i don't want to use his name. if i did i might get lynched. that should be clue enough as to who he is.
**** was not innocent. people think that he was. the thought that went through his mind every night he went to the club was something around the neighborhood of who can stick the biggest dick in my ass tonight that hasn't done it already. he was the epitome of the slutty twink you see in movies and tv shows, the one with the daddy issues and the loose sphincter. most of the guys he would end up with were in their late 20s and early 30s, decently well off and had issues of their own to deal with. **** would spend his weekends with them and never speak to them again, and in some way that fulfilled both their needs albeit in a temporary manner.
i met him the first time about a year before many of you did. on the internet. the only reason we didn't meet in person was that he lived about 100 miles away, and lets just say that the visit would have been more than friendly or at least those were the intentions. a few months later we did meet in person, and i turned out to be too young for him. that was ok.. i normally don't go for guys that look like they never hit puberty either. that's when i noticed his m.o. so to speak.
he never talked to me again. oh sure he talked about me, about that pathetic guy that thought that i could actually hook up with someone like him, about the size of my manhood even though he hadn't seen it, about the horrible things that i had done to friends of his i had never met. and it turns out that i was not the only one who got this treatment. it was far worse for the guys that went farther.
without knowing this persons name, it sounds like the type of guy that most of us tend to avoid now that we are older and wiser. but now, these are the things that you never hear about this guy. he now has become a celibate philanthropist, an icon and a veritable saint.
i was supposed to be the saint.
on this day of ghosts, i'd like to take this time to say fuck you to one. thanks for your hatred. it made me the thing i am today.
10/26/2007
Straight Boys & Gay Sex
Straight Boys & Gay Sex
"Of course, people said that the factory was degenerate just because 'anything went' there, but I think that was a very good thing. As one straight kid said to me, 'It's nice not to be trapped into something, even if that's what you are.' For example, if a man sees two guys having sex, he finds out one of two things: Either he's turned on or turned off - so then he knows where he stands in life. I think people should see absolutely everything and then decide for themselves - not let other people decide for them."
- Andy Warhol
FOUND (LINK)
10/19/2007
jack
i use stereotypes and i'm not proud, but i do accept my faults.
i wish that there weren't stereotypes in any community, least of all ours. but its a prevalent practice for gay boys to fall into a category. we throw around words not realizing that we hold a molotov cocktail of messy.
bear, otter, twink, hunk, jock, daddy, cub, bitch, butch, dyke, queen, cowboy, bottom, top.
he. she.
i remember in a middle school civics class that there were two theories of a culturally mixed society, that of the salad bowl and that of the melting pot. the salad coexisted, but didn't adhere much to each other with a separate but equal stance. the melting pot had a remembrance of heritage but an unspoken equality that ignored it. we are a long way from the melting pot.
so i look forward to halloween. strange transition you may say.
i call halloween gay christmas. think about it. what other day can you celebrate creativity and diversity without stigma or distinction? at public gatherings of people of different races, creeds, colors, genders, and cultural bias get together and forget themselves behind masks and make up and imagination.
that is when we become the melting pot. only when we are truly outside ourselves can we truly accept each other.
10/17/2007
The Phallic Threat
The Phallic Threat: Giant Penises and Similar Threat Devices
No other anatomical structure shows the behavioral crosscurrents between sex and status more clearly than the genitalia. One might think that the primary copulatory organs would be used only in displays of copulatory attraction, when in fact they are intimately linked to the biological signals of social status. In these next two chapters we can look at how genitalia are used in social interactions and how these uses have, in turn, changed the appearances of the genitalia.
[continue reading...]
10/16/2007
10/15/2007
10/10/2007
roommate
Michael invited his mother over for dinner. During the meal, his mother couldn't help noticing how handsome Michael's roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between Michael and his roommate and this only made her more curious.
Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Michael and the roommate than met the eye. Reading his mom's thoughts, Michael volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Jason and I are just roommates."
About a week later, Jason came to Michael and said, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle," said Jason. "You don't suppose she took it, do you?".
"Well," said Michael, "I doubt it, but I'll write her a letter just to be sure."
So he sat down and wrote: "Dear Mother, I'm not saying you 'did' take a gravy ladle from my house, and I'm not saying you 'did not' take a gravy ladle. But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner."
Several days later, John received a letter from his mother which read: "Dear Son, I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Jason, and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with Jason. But the fact remains that if he was sleeping in his own bed, he would have found the gravy ladle by now. Love, Mom"
borrowed from wimp.com with some minor adjustments.
10/06/2007
10/02/2007
Cazwell
Yes, that Cazwell.
Buy it, listen to it, love it.
Youtube links:
[1] I buy my socks on 14th st.
[2] Watch my mouth.
[3] Do you wanna beeak up?
[4] All over your face.
Gritty nasty hip hop fags.
Hott.
Links:
[1] MySpace
[2] WWW
[3] I-Tunes
10/01/2007
9/30/2007
9/29/2007
9/22/2007
in honor of the BEAM family
i wonder how often things just fall into place. a stray kiss, a momentary glance that turns into everything.
and sometimes i feel like this... happily burned and screaming.
9/14/2007
Damage Discovered
Damage is everywhere.
1.Though my voice may have seemed calm over the phone, I didn't want you to know that I was really sobbing.
2.Sometimes when I'm home alone I talk to myself, then answer in another voice just to make conversation.
3.
I took down the pictures of her, carefully looking at only the corners.via:
onesentence
9/11/2007
9/10/2007
9/06/2007
9/05/2007
i couldn't agree more
on a daily basis i hear it. i'm sure you do too. it doesn't matter if you're white, black, orange or that rare color of blue i see radiating from the pores of people who are fascinated by white noise. its there. its pervasive. and its just plain fucking stupid.
i'm a big fan of the english language. if i wasn't i would have finished my courses in french, moved to montreal and lived out my days surrounded by francophiles and amateur gay porn studios. but i'm here. and i write in english. its such a malleable language, so expressive. and expansive as well. the language has grown so much just in the past 50 years, and i can't say that's much of a bad thing. the english language absorbs cultural idioms and integrates them in a way that really no other established language can (maybe except esperanto). and i welcome these changes for the most part. anything that increases the way in which i can intelligently express myself i am all for. but there has to be a line. and a little mouthless kitten has found it.
here
some may say this is an affront to ethnic cultures, but i don't agree. as i said, i hear this utter crap on a daily basis and it spews forth like a rainbow of syntax diarrhea. it comes from all races, all creeds, all levels of education. sure, i guess there is a time and a place for 'urban baby-talk', and in my mind that place should be the arena of mindless humor and harmless jest, not in the arena of public opinion.
in conclusion:
rule #46: if all that comes out of your mouth is shit, one day you'll be bound to step in it.
9/03/2007
galleria damage
anytime i find an image that furthers my goal of defining and abating damage as we know it, i will post it. so without further ado...
for your viewing pleasure. discuss.
8/31/2007
Robert Alexis
In the world of Human Damage, the deepest wounds are sometimes those of gender. Boys and Girls are often not what they seem. Take the case of Alexis Arquette.
[Alexis] Arquette , in the earlier years of her career, primarily performed as a female impersonator, frequently under the name "Eva Destruction". Later in her career, she made public that she had begun the process leading to sex reassignment surgery. To this end, Arquette has publicly declared that she considers her gender to be female.
Also.
A two-hour documentary about Alexis Arquette's impending sex change is set to air on Queer Day (Oct 14, 2007). [She] has been filming the documentary footage for more than a year including initial therapy sessions and her first hormone injections. The project will culminate with her completed surgery and she just received the go-ahead from psychiatrists to proceed with the operation.
I cannot imagine being so confused about myself that I would have a surgery to correct a psychological flaw. Especially one where I removed my penis. While I often feel too fem or exceptionally womanlike I would NEVER EVER want to get rid of my penis. I love my penis.
I hope her new vagina is everything she hoped for!
8/29/2007
damagewiki
in an effort to blur the line between frequent and personal readers and those that may just come out of the woodwork to read these seemingly random thoughts and rants and sanatorium scarred screams, i think we should start a ghetto damagewiki.
although our definitions and explanations may not be complete, they may give a rough outline to the scribbled sketches that appear in these pages. entries can be one word to flowing diatribes of filth and circular logic. after all, we all define the world in our own way, other peoples opinions only act as the occasional signpost, whether it say yeild or detour, or even falling rock. in the end the neural pathways we travel are those of our making, the endings always not quite but completely what we expect.
___
bdc - for some, the only reason to watch professional sports. for others pygmallion, and still others denial. its our worst fear and our greatest wish. it's the dog that licks your face when you come home, and the cat that hides in your closet. its tragically beautiful and never obtainable. and the 'd' usually ends up easily ignored or disproven after a kiss or two.
8/27/2007
8/25/2007
Gayer Than
Us queers have a long history of hating each other and throwing sass around at bars. Insults have become a refined word game. In honor of this, every time I hear a new one I'll post a "He's gayer than...".
8/22/2007
it's a small world... not a ride
people sometimes surprise you. i find that in the least suitable moments in the most unexpected ways, that is the time when people show their true faces.
'i'm glad i could do this for you, for all of you. i like making my friends happy.'
'i never want you to think that i wouldn't sacrifice for you'
'sometimes you amaze me just by being in my life'
'you are not something i want to be around right now'
'i'm staying home because you just aren't me right now'
5 different people. revelations.
8/08/2007
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