life in oz

i just read an article from an australian newspaper that says that a survey taken in 2006 came back with the result that most same-sex partners in oz didn't want marriage, or as they put it they didn't want a 'formal arrangement'.

what this goes to exemplify is the way that in this fucked up social swirly that we call the gay community there are a small group of people fucking it up for the rest of us. getting married might be sort of neat-o and shit but it's not something that a great majority of the gay community actively wants. but then we get those nose in the air jetta driving fags with the hrc sticker on the back of their cars (or the back of their necks) that like the poor kid eyeing the rich kid's sneakers burn with some sort of envy for everything that they haven't gotten or don't have. so they cry discrimination tearing at the collar of their express men v neck t shirt out of frustration and demand equality when most of the community is just fine without it.

now i do think that gay marriage is a good idea, but i don't like us begging and threatening and pleading and screaming for it. just like women's suffrage it will come in time and no amount of money from the gill foundation is going to speed that up.

rant rant rant poop.

gentle sighs of disbelief

someone at work today asked me if i was going to get married. now some of you know that a long time ago i would have gotten married, but then again back then i was a dumbass that not only ruined my life but the lives of those around me with every blind turn i made. but when it comes to now i can't really say for sure either way.

i guess i could say that i'll wait til it's legal but that would be just a cop out. call me brangelina or something and throw me on a pink website with cum dripping out of my mouth. it's not something that i have really thought about since all the way back then, and now everything is so different. i'm older, but that's a given. i would like to say i'm wiser but maybe i should just say that i'm more experienced. but that is a decision i wouldn't even be prepared to make even if i was a little more traditional.

in an earlier post i mentioned my wife. it was a joke done for his sake mostly but my co-worker asking me that question today sort of made me think. am i ready to make that committment? am i ready to be with someone for the rest of my life? and i honestly don't know. unfortunately most gay men rarely ever confront that question, and i think that more should. sure, there are a mulititude of couples screaming out right now for equal rights and all that nonsense, but what is a marriage but an antiquated custom? at the heart of it really is a simple public announcement of two people that enjoy spending time together solidifiying that emotional contract.

and thinking more, i can almost agree with the religous right's claim that the gay's are trying to ruin marriage. i know. bad fag. but it might be a good thing. we strip down all marriage whether it be gay or straight and take away all governmental priveledges that have been assigned to a mostly religous tradition and bring it back to the simplistic ceremony it started as 1000's of years ago . maybe that's what we should be fighting for, true equality outside of the law, not just within it. equality of souls, not just the bodies they reside within. the reason why this is even plausible is that, in reality, we need to change our paradigm, not just some laws, in order to acheive any sense of equality or understanding.

now thats what i call art

i wonder if this installation is coming to denver?

johnny are you queer?

another blast from the past. remember when tim hardaway said he was homophobic and ann coulter said that john edwards was a faggot? i think this deserves to be resurrected.

rule # 21 - everything old can be new again.


the grim reality of ann coulter is that her remarks weren't entirely accidental. with the race for the presidency already in full swing what better way to make the sheeple look away from the drunken puppetmastery that has killed so many of their brave and obedient sons and daughters than to pick at the scabs of their hemorraged insecurties.

i know i sound like the looming shadow of darth emo, but for every one, person who stands up and realizes the inhumanity of the neocon crusade against a segment of society who are simply asking everyone to destigmatize an alternate expression of love there are those bizarro world born inbreds who think, and i quote, 'first that black guy that bounces a ball for a living and now the hot chick with the adams apple... wooeeee roscoe thats a call for our fag bashin sticks, we can cover up that tape of your sister and the donkey with somethin' else.'

it is reverse psychology used in the most insidious way. by making hate a public slander that is universally reacted to with disgust and disgrace, especially from someone, such as tim hardaway, that is supposed to be a role model, the reactionary zealots see that as a limitation to their freedoms and essentially becomes the proverbial feather tickling the toe of the sleeping giant.

ignorance in any form is viral, and multiplies faster than you can say ozark teen pregnancy. and like nuclear fission research in third world countries, ignorance inevitably acts as the calvary generals saber, a seemingly bright beacon that only leads to despair.

we can, like you, hope that this time more people wake up and smell the rotting white sheets they've worn to protect their private prejudices (or for some their private shame) and from the long sleep of supposed moral socialism to defend their ideals from this corporate sponsored second coming of blind imperialism.

wow. i used to use a lot of big words.

the past: almost

this post was on another site. i called it raising arizona.

breathe in

i've thought a lot about karma in the past few days, and karma has nothing but a fucking twisted sense of humor.

i became so stressed out i lost my voice. it wasn't alcohol or cigarettes or any other body damaging vices; those i kept in check. just at one point, i couldn't speak. maybe it was psychosomatic, and it was my higher self knowing that the foul thoughts that were circling my head should never be spoken like the infinite names of cthulu. or conversely, maybe i knew i had said enough, damning most with half sermons even hypocrites like ted haggard would be proud of.

(for example, at one point over the past week i announced that if someone had come hundreds of miles to embarrass themselves and everyone around them then they should all go to their hotel rooms now satisfied with a big fat mission accomplished, and if they needed any other motivation my foot in their ass was a handy option.)

now, alone for the first time discounting sleep in 2 weeks, i get electronic pleas for forgiveness. thanks for your hospitality....sorry you can't go to that bar for a few weeks... i meant i love you like a brother... i'm sure he'll speak to you in a couple weeks... just tell them i did it... i'll make it up to you....

am i bitter and selfish if i don't forgive? am i wrong to want to punish those that have wronged?

i know it sounds like gay drama, but i'm honestly not prone to that in real life, i just play a disgruntled fag on tv. i shouldn't care about my reputation, my social standing, but i do. and when i'm associated with a herd of drunk guys who don't realize that denver really is a mile high and unless you live here you should really watch your intake, or have my connections look at me sideways because i associate with the type that can't walk around the bar without exaggerating their inebriation, is that reason enough to condemn and chastise because it inconvenienced me?

if you didn't live your life right the first time, don't make me relive it all in one weekend as a learning experience.


although not related to my last post, this is an example of things that i used to write almost every day. why i started this blog in the first place. i need to get back there.

if only...

quite possibly a new sorta staple here on dhp...

if only....

decisions

i thought a lot today about all the horrible decisions i've made in the past 10 years that have brought me to where i am in my life. not that i'm unhappy... well at least not all the time. but darth emo can never be truly happy... it wouldn't match my boots.

anyway, what spawned this voyage into train wreck town's self pity station all started when i saw an ad on tv for jared polis. he's running for congress or some shit and just so happens to be a guy i used to hang out with quite a bit a few years ago. i think, at one time, i may have had a window at a relationship with the guy but i decided against it, and i really don't know why. imagine that, if my partner was some big politico taking me to wonderful soiree's for the gill foundation or parties at scott coors house. and then i thought again.

i don't want to hang out with those trolls.

part of what makes me who i am is that i hold disdain for that ubergay image that most of the self hating fags that run in the charity/political/activism circles try to portray for our community. i like my men dorky and average, who's sexuality isn't the only thing interesting in their conversational toolbox. i don't want to talk about what to tivo on bravo or if i saw the latest docudrama on logo. i don't want to be a part of the fanfare that is the gay life as envisioned by torch song trilogy devotees.

so it makes me think. i may be unhappy. but i'm happier than i would be.

barbed wire and bruises

there was this guy i knew a few years ago. he was 20 when i met him. he was one of those guys that would go to the club and walk around with a judgemental glare and an air of unwarranted superiority. his friends were selected from the pretty, from the popular, from whatever his mind had designated as the elite, as elite as a bunch of gay drunks could manage.

i don't want to use his name. if i did i might get lynched. that should be clue enough as to who he is.

**** was not innocent. people think that he was. the thought that went through his mind every night he went to the club was something around the neighborhood of who can stick the biggest dick in my ass tonight that hasn't done it already. he was the epitome of the slutty twink you see in movies and tv shows, the one with the daddy issues and the loose sphincter. most of the guys he would end up with were in their late 20s and early 30s, decently well off and had issues of their own to deal with. **** would spend his weekends with them and never speak to them again, and in some way that fulfilled both their needs albeit in a temporary manner.

i met him the first time about a year before many of you did. on the internet. the only reason we didn't meet in person was that he lived about 100 miles away, and lets just say that the visit would have been more than friendly or at least those were the intentions. a few months later we did meet in person, and i turned out to be too young for him. that was ok.. i normally don't go for guys that look like they never hit puberty either. that's when i noticed his m.o. so to speak.

he never talked to me again. oh sure he talked about me, about that pathetic guy that thought that i could actually hook up with someone like him, about the size of my manhood even though he hadn't seen it, about the horrible things that i had done to friends of his i had never met. and it turns out that i was not the only one who got this treatment. it was far worse for the guys that went farther.

without knowing this persons name, it sounds like the type of guy that most of us tend to avoid now that we are older and wiser. but now, these are the things that you never hear about this guy. he now has become a celibate philanthropist, an icon and a veritable saint.

i was supposed to be the saint.

on this day of ghosts, i'd like to take this time to say fuck you to one. thanks for your hatred. it made me the thing i am today.

Straight Boys & Gay Sex

Straight Boys & Gay Sex

"Of course, people said that the factory was degenerate just because 'anything went' there, but I think that was a very good thing. As one straight kid said to me, 'It's nice not to be trapped into something, even if that's what you are.' For example, if a man sees two guys having sex, he finds out one of two things: Either he's turned on or turned off - so then he knows where he stands in life. I think people should see absolutely everything and then decide for themselves - not let other people decide for them."

- Andy Warhol

FOUND (LINK)

jack

i use stereotypes and i'm not proud, but i do accept my faults.

i wish that there weren't stereotypes in any community, least of all ours. but its a prevalent practice for gay boys to fall into a category. we throw around words not realizing that we hold a molotov cocktail of messy.

bear, otter, twink, hunk, jock, daddy, cub, bitch, butch, dyke, queen, cowboy, bottom, top.

he. she.

i remember in a middle school civics class that there were two theories of a culturally mixed society, that of the salad bowl and that of the melting pot. the salad coexisted, but didn't adhere much to each other with a separate but equal stance. the melting pot had a remembrance of heritage but an unspoken equality that ignored it. we are a long way from the melting pot.

so i look forward to halloween. strange transition you may say.

i call halloween gay christmas. think about it. what other day can you celebrate creativity and diversity without stigma or distinction? at public gatherings of people of different races, creeds, colors, genders, and cultural bias get together and forget themselves behind masks and make up and imagination.

that is when we become the melting pot. only when we are truly outside ourselves can we truly accept each other.

roommate

Michael invited his mother over for dinner. During the meal, his mother couldn't help noticing how handsome Michael's roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between Michael and his roommate and this only made her more curious.

Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Michael and the roommate than met the eye. Reading his mom's thoughts, Michael volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Jason and I are just roommates."

About a week later, Jason came to Michael and said, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle," said Jason. "You don't suppose she took it, do you?".

"Well," said Michael, "I doubt it, but I'll write her a letter just to be sure."

So he sat down and wrote: "Dear Mother, I'm not saying you 'did' take a gravy ladle from my house, and I'm not saying you 'did not' take a gravy ladle. But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner."

Several days later, John received a letter from his mother which read: "Dear Son, I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Jason, and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with Jason. But the fact remains that if he was sleeping in his own bed, he would have found the gravy ladle by now. Love, Mom"

borrowed from wimp.com with some minor adjustments.

culturism

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in honor of the BEAM family

i wonder how often things just fall into place. a stray kiss, a momentary glance that turns into everything.

and sometimes i feel like this... happily burned and screaming.

Health

While avoiding the advances of a tragic little mess last Sunday, I happened upon this bit of wisdom.

MESS: Do you have a cigarette?
Q: I don't smoke.
MESS: How healthy.
Q: I drink though.
MESS: You're still healthy.
Q: I use injection drugs.
MESS: (decides that I am still healthy just for not smoking)

If all it takes to be healthy is not smoking, all of you had better quit.

I see a rule hidden in here somewhere.

#317

Rule No. 317

A trick may not remind you that you are dating someone

Rule #204

RULE 204: DIBS

It is still acceptable and most useful to call dibs. Especially on any hot new item that walks into a room.

Playground rules hold strong today, see: rock/papaer/scissors, and ro-sham-bo.

All backed up

I just have nothing mean to say.
I must be constihated.

apparently more than 1

i think i just got home from the first real date i've had in a long time.

monkeys make me giggle :)

childhood

poor quality warning... but you get it

part 1

part 2

Our Prejudices, Ourselves

"Our Prejudices, Ourselves"

Harvey Fierstein

AMERICA is watching Don Imus's self-immolation in a state of shock and awe. And I'm watching America with wry amusement.

Since I'm a second-class citizen -- a gay man -- my seats for the ballgame of American discourse are way back in the bleachers. I don't have to wait long for a shock jock or stand-up comedian to slip up with hateful epithets aimed at me and mine. Hate speak against homosexuals is as commonplace as spam. It's daily traffic for those who profess themselves to be regular Joes, men of God, public servants who live off my tax dollars, as well as any number of celebrities.

In fact, I get a good chuckle whenever someone refers to "the media" as an agent of "the gay agenda." There are entire channels, like Spike TV, that couldn't fill an hour of programming if required to remove their sexist and homophobic content. We've got a president and a large part of Congress willing to change the Constitution so they can deprive of us our rights because they feel we are not "normal."

So I'm used to catching foul balls up here in the cheap seats. What I am really enjoying is watching the rest of you act as if you had no idea that prejudice was alive and well in your hearts and minds.

For the past two decades political correctness has been derided as a surrender to thin-skinned, humorless, uptight oversensitive sissies. Well, you anti-politically correct people have won the battle, and we're all now feasting on the spoils of your victory. During the last few months alone we've had a few comedians spout racism, a basketball coach put forth anti-Semitism and several high-profile spoutings of anti-gay epithets.

What surprises me, I guess, is how choosy the anti-P.C. crowd is about which hate speech it will not tolerate. Sure, there were voices of protest when the TV actor Isaiah Washington called a gay colleague a "faggot." But corporate America didn't pull its advertising from "Grey's Anatomy," as it did with Mr. Imus, did it? And when Ann Coulter likewise tagged a presidential candidate last month, she paid no real price.

In fact, when Bill Maher discussed Ms. Coulter's remarks on his HBO show, he repeated the slur no fewer than four times himself; each mention, I must note, solicited a laugh from his audience. No one called for any sort of apology from him. (Well, actually, I did, so the following week he only used it once.)

Face it, if a Pentagon general, his salary paid with my tax dollars, can label homosexual acts as "immoral" without a call for his dismissal, who are the moral high and mighty kidding?

Our nation, historically bursting with generosity toward strangers, remains remarkably unkind toward its own. Just under our gleaming patina of inclusiveness, we harbor corroding guts. America, I tell you that it doesn't matter how many times you brush your teeth. If your insides are rotting your breath will stink. So, how do you people choose which hate to embrace, which to forgive with a wink and a week in rehab, and which to protest? Where's my copy of that rule book?

Let me cite a non-volatile example of how prejudice can cohabit unchecked with good intentions. I am a huge fan of David Letterman's. I watch the opening of his show a couple of times a week and have done so for decades. Without fail, in his opening monologue or skit Mr. Letterman makes a joke about someone being fat. I kid you not. Will that destroy our nation? Should he be fired or lose his sponsors? Obviously not.

But I think that there is something deeper going on at the Letterman studio than coincidence. And, as I've said, I cite this example simply to illustrate that all kinds of prejudice exist in the human heart. Some are harmless. Some not so harmless. But we need to understand who we are if we wish to change. (In the interest of full disclosure, I should confess to not only being a gay American, but also a fat one. Yes, I'm a double winner.)

I urge you to look around, or better yet, listen around and become aware of the prejudice in everyday life. We are so surrounded by expressions of intolerance that I am in shock and awe that anyone noticed all these recent high-profile instances. Still, I'm gladdened because our no longer being deaf to them may signal their eventual eradication.

The real point is that you cannot harbor malice toward others and then cry foul when someone displays intolerance against you. Prejudice tolerated is intolerance encouraged. Rise up in righteousness when you witness the words and deeds of hate, but only if you are willing to rise up against them all, including your own. Otherwise suffer the slings and arrows of disrespect silently.

Harvey Fierstein is an actor and playwright.