dance

monkeys

god i love monkeys

Robert Alexis

In the world of Human Damage, the deepest wounds are sometimes those of gender. Boys and Girls are often not what they seem. Take the case of Alexis Arquette.

[Alexis] Arquette , in the earlier years of her career, primarily performed as a female impersonator, frequently under the name "Eva Destruction". Later in her career, she made public that she had begun the process leading to sex reassignment surgery. To this end, Arquette has publicly declared that she considers her gender to be female.

Also.

A two-hour documentary about Alexis Arquette's impending sex change is set to air on Queer Day (Oct 14, 2007). [She] has been filming the documentary footage for more than a year including initial therapy sessions and her first hormone injections. The project will culminate with her completed surgery and she just received the go-ahead from psychiatrists to proceed with the operation.

I cannot imagine being so confused about myself that I would have a surgery to correct a psychological flaw. Especially one where I removed my penis. While I often feel too fem or exceptionally womanlike I would NEVER EVER want to get rid of my penis. I love my penis.

I hope her new vagina is everything she hoped for!

damagewiki

in an effort to blur the line between frequent and personal readers and those that may just come out of the woodwork to read these seemingly random thoughts and rants and sanatorium scarred screams, i think we should start a ghetto damagewiki.

although our definitions and explanations may not be complete, they may give a rough outline to the scribbled sketches that appear in these pages. entries can be one word to flowing diatribes of filth and circular logic. after all, we all define the world in our own way, other peoples opinions only act as the occasional signpost, whether it say yeild or detour, or even falling rock. in the end the neural pathways we travel are those of our making, the endings always not quite but completely what we expect.

___

bdc - for some, the only reason to watch professional sports. for others pygmallion, and still others denial. its our worst fear and our greatest wish. it's the dog that licks your face when you come home, and the cat that hides in your closet. its tragically beautiful and never obtainable. and the 'd' usually ends up easily ignored or disproven after a kiss or two.

gayer than #2

gayer than all of liz taylor and liza minelli's husbands combined

Gayer Than #1

Gayer than a HANDBAG FULL OF RAINBOWS.

Gayer Than

Us queers have a long history of hating each other and throwing sass around at bars. Insults have become a refined word game. In honor of this, every time I hear a new one I'll post a "He's gayer than...".

it's a small world... not a ride

people sometimes surprise you. i find that in the least suitable moments in the most unexpected ways, that is the time when people show their true faces.

'i'm glad i could do this for you, for all of you. i like making my friends happy.'

'i never want you to think that i wouldn't sacrifice for you'

'sometimes you amaze me just by being in my life'

'you are not something i want to be around right now'

'i'm staying home because you just aren't me right now'

5 different people. revelations.

sleight of hand

new design. sorta. kinda.

thanks q.

Health

While avoiding the advances of a tragic little mess last Sunday, I happened upon this bit of wisdom.

MESS: Do you have a cigarette?
Q: I don't smoke.
MESS: How healthy.
Q: I drink though.
MESS: You're still healthy.
Q: I use injection drugs.
MESS: (decides that I am still healthy just for not smoking)

If all it takes to be healthy is not smoking, all of you had better quit.

I see a rule hidden in here somewhere.

#317

Rule No. 317

A trick may not remind you that you are dating someone

so tired

you all should be nice to me.

click here, and do what it says

comparison

kids say the darndest things.

stay tuned

i'm compiling the fantastic....

while you're waiting..

hijacking the sun

i've been thinking about lucifer lately. i've cruised the sites of philosophical and theosophical luciferians, the mindless opposition of the religious right, and the historical essays by entymoligical scholars. i've seen a progression from proper noun, to adjective, to concept, back to proper noun as history dictates the black and white of religion and secular science. the word itself, in essence, is light. its reflected planetary positions, the lamp of the suns, the origin of the stars, and a fallen shadow that plots agains all morality. lucifer is a word of power, no doubt, as ancient as yhwh or baal, zeus or osiris. it has been transfigured into a literary figure, from biblical interpretations to milton, and most recently a comic book. say lucifer and you trigger a reaction, an ancestral memory or a modern moral crusade. objectively, it can be said that on certain levels, we all strive toward a luciferian existence, and maybe thats why they hate him so much.

i want to be a divine light, regardless of who i piss off.

the lowest common denominator

i've started to use a little add-on for firefox called stumble. it pretty much randomly sends you to a website submitted by registered users of the stumble community based on selections that you personally chose from a list of categories such as astronomy, physics, religion, music, blogs and many many more.

so for shits i picked religion and i think that's the reason why i get so damn many jesus loves you and hates your brain web sites. i've found search engines that bring up passages in the bible, about 432 versions of bible wiki crap, daily affirmations of bigotry and hate in the name of a cruel and vengeful creator, and i don't know how many praises for the presidents ascendancy into his predestined position of the second coming of christ.

i have not once stumbled upon a site about any other religion that was specifically labeled in the relidion category of the stumble program. the one site that i got on wicca was listed under 'bizarre/oddities'. for a religion that proclaims on a daily basis how persecuted it is, as far as the consensus of a quite large internet community, christianity seems to be the only religion that qualifies as so.

i want to ask when this happened, but thats a stupid question. cruise around, do google searches for about any subject except maybe tentacle rape and you will find some sort of 'christian' slant on said subject. the pseudo science of creationism was practically born out of internet discussion rooms and newsgroups that started out in fact as legitimate science resources.

its just really sad that something that could be used for personal empowerment and self - education and free artistic expression is overrun by what amounts to a worldwide cult of obsessed zealots and egoistic bigots.

conversely, i did find this

meant to be broken

rule #18: you have to break rule number 17 to truly appreciate its worth

rule #333: if smurfette sits on your face a full rules assessment must be done before going out in public.

by the by... eilujsion is posting through me. she can't come to the keyboard at the moment, which reminds me of another rule....

rule #56: you're only emo on the outside.

death to shmoopy

thinking about things, and past things, and his things...

rule # 212 : anything that has been inside shmoopy doesn't go inside me.

barry man-i-low

i find it horrible that i'm obsessed with celebrity and what and who and why they do. i've had this talk. i was a celebrity. we all used to be.

soft rock star.

i smile and say yes to you

i wonder.

i got a lesser sentence than paris hilton.....

and thats the truth

i wonder if i can compete

and thats the truth.

who are you to deny me

and thats the truth

bitterness and swelling

and thats the truth

christ and a thursday

who the hell do you think you are?

its a kind of nice saying. makes us feel important. makes me feel like shit.

whooooo?

aaaaare?

you?

Monument

An Angry Narcissist

can only feel

Constant Disappointment.

Rule #204

RULE 204: DIBS

It is still acceptable and most useful to call dibs. Especially on any hot new item that walks into a room.

Playground rules hold strong today, see: rock/papaer/scissors, and ro-sham-bo.

rules: update

established rules:

#4: an angel's face is tricky when it comes to me.

#43: us is more important than the alternative.

#17: do not make out at the bar (rule pending reconsideration re: current developments)

#232: we do not pay to get into a bar.

#313: 2012 is the year the comet hits. or when tom cruise comes out of the closet. either way, the mayan calander was right.

#536: recovery is allowed, although the true damage is always there.

us vs. they,we,i,he,them

i got in a conversation tonight with friends about the good ole days. you all know what i mean. the times between the break ups and the self hatred, those times outside of the familial conflicts and the unanswered phone calls. its one of those things that happens with friends when friends decide to talk about us. not we or i or he or they, but us.

i want to scream out to all of my friends: i miss talking about us.

each of us, as individuals, spend too much time focusing on the other people that affect our lives, those that aren't there to tell their stories or to live it again with us, those that have run away and left us wanting, or those that we envy and watch from the corners of every eye. conversely we talk about how we superimpose ourselves into those situations, how the fabled 'i' would react, or what 'i' would have done. the singular, the third person, causes so much pain and confusion. we, they, i are all wishes, things outside of ourselves, outside of us, that embody negativity, dark dreams of an even darker need for acceptance and basically comfort.

'i' is alone. (only time in grammatical history that that is a valid sentence.) you project your observations on those around you, and more often than not your personal experience is not as influential in repetition as it seemed in memory.

'he' is too objective. tainted by perception he becomes a rose tinted view of some one else's time and some one else's action.

'we' hardly ever includes the target of the conversation. we is a egoistic and assumptive notion, as if you can speak for the ones that are left behind, the ones not there. its also a third person 'i', and usually more lonely.

'they/them' is the basis of gossip. they implies hatred, envy, contempt.

i was happy tonight talking about us. events shared by the people around you, emotions felt at the same time and place, a moment relived by those that lived it, smiling or sad, a union of remembrance.

rule #43: us is more important than the alternative.

the moral: let him go. us are all that matters.

All backed up

I just have nothing mean to say.
I must be constihated.

apparently more than 1

i think i just got home from the first real date i've had in a long time.

monkeys make me giggle :)

September 9, 1943 : this means war

DETACHMENT 1511TH SERVICE UNIT
ARMED FORCES INDUCTION STATION # 7
CINCINNATI, OHIO

You are now a soldier in the army of the United states, as such you are subject to military law, and the Articles of War, as was explained to you at the time of your induction by the Induction Officer.

.........As a soldier you have new responsibilities. They are to yourself as a soldier, to the country, and to the men in service with whom you will soon serve. ..........so that your detail will perform the travel from this station to your Local Board, and back to the Reception Center, on time, and in a soldierly manner.

One of your group has been appointed acting Corporal. He may be a close friend of yours, or a stranger .................... Cooperate with him so that your detail will creditably handle its first assignment but remember he has authority to direct you by order.

After you reach home you have time to straighten out your personal affairs.

On September 9, 1943 you will assemble at 8:30 a.m. EWT at your local board.

........... You should bring a minimum of Civilian clothing with you to the Reception Center ............. The following will suffice: Small traveling bag containing one suit of underwear, one extra pair of socks and necessary toilet articles including a face and bath towel. You should present a neat clean appearance when you reach the Reception Center. Your hair should be cut and your fingernails clean.

Remember you are now a soldier. Let your actions be so governed.

Charles V. Sexton
Captain, Infantry

gravel

sickness and sweetness and
i
thought you
and i laugh
what did it happen?
eh
when and what and who and
so i smile and i run and i run
run to morrow
roow morrow and i think that i sing i
think that i sin ecstatic

Incapable

I am incapable of taking care of myself.

childhood

poor quality warning... but you get it

part 1

part 2

becoming sacred

i scream a pail
pale
i scream a pale ecstatic
and she screams a pale yellow

i live in a bolder state

i see and i see and i forget and i
i
want
there are so many things i want

and i smile and i ring not now
not
and scream to the echo of a yowl and a
cococoocooo choo
and you smile back and smile back
and
smile

---


i used to write like that all the time.... maybe i should again

savory angels

stalin said something once and this week i'm reminded of it. it's something like:

one murder is a tragedy. one million murders are a statistic.

i see 33 dead on a college campus in a seemingly suburban section of the eastern united states and, although i feel for the families of those involved and the community abroad, i'm also angry that we as american public are so self righteous and arrogant to think that this sort of violence should not happen inside of our borders.

in other sections of the globe the mass murder of innocents is a monthly, if not more frequent, occurence, yet we expect the international community to bow and send their prayers for our tragedy. from what i remember the parliament bombing in iraq was not more than a blip on the media screens here, sandwiched somewhere between brittney and dog food.

i've heard the words global village and international community thrown around, sentiments implying that we are all in this together. but the fundamental hubris and ignorance that has settled into our country's culture has led to a callous attitude that pervades our society. it seems our leaders, our media, ourselves, have come to think of violence outside of the lines drawn on our maps as commonplace, as something to be ignored. 'it happens all the time there, so it's different'. any act of violence, no matter how far away or how frequent it happens, is a tragedy, especially when the victims are people that are blind to its source as so often happens in other countries. where are the black, yellow, pink, purple, red, green whatever ribbons for bombings in gaza, or the vigils for those left dead in the wake of south american land cartels?

when i was in high school an acquaintance of mine shot himself in the head one day before school. he wasn't popular, quite the opposite. but out of the woodwork fat ugly girls walked down the hallways crying not even knowing his last name and feigning sorrow to cover up an instinctual fear of death and its proximity. about a month later, another acquaintance of mine was shot in the face in a random drive by. he survived but has permanent brain injuries, but for weeks was in critical condition at the hospital. those same fat girls knew him, but no tears were shed. why? he went to another high school.

i see that reflected now, every day through pictures on the internet and the television. fat ugly girls crying for people they don't know, while people they should shed tears for die on a daily basis.

i hate fat girls.

Tarrlytons

(click for animation)

Sexy?

Our Prejudices, Ourselves

"Our Prejudices, Ourselves"

Harvey Fierstein

AMERICA is watching Don Imus's self-immolation in a state of shock and awe. And I'm watching America with wry amusement.

Since I'm a second-class citizen -- a gay man -- my seats for the ballgame of American discourse are way back in the bleachers. I don't have to wait long for a shock jock or stand-up comedian to slip up with hateful epithets aimed at me and mine. Hate speak against homosexuals is as commonplace as spam. It's daily traffic for those who profess themselves to be regular Joes, men of God, public servants who live off my tax dollars, as well as any number of celebrities.

In fact, I get a good chuckle whenever someone refers to "the media" as an agent of "the gay agenda." There are entire channels, like Spike TV, that couldn't fill an hour of programming if required to remove their sexist and homophobic content. We've got a president and a large part of Congress willing to change the Constitution so they can deprive of us our rights because they feel we are not "normal."

So I'm used to catching foul balls up here in the cheap seats. What I am really enjoying is watching the rest of you act as if you had no idea that prejudice was alive and well in your hearts and minds.

For the past two decades political correctness has been derided as a surrender to thin-skinned, humorless, uptight oversensitive sissies. Well, you anti-politically correct people have won the battle, and we're all now feasting on the spoils of your victory. During the last few months alone we've had a few comedians spout racism, a basketball coach put forth anti-Semitism and several high-profile spoutings of anti-gay epithets.

What surprises me, I guess, is how choosy the anti-P.C. crowd is about which hate speech it will not tolerate. Sure, there were voices of protest when the TV actor Isaiah Washington called a gay colleague a "faggot." But corporate America didn't pull its advertising from "Grey's Anatomy," as it did with Mr. Imus, did it? And when Ann Coulter likewise tagged a presidential candidate last month, she paid no real price.

In fact, when Bill Maher discussed Ms. Coulter's remarks on his HBO show, he repeated the slur no fewer than four times himself; each mention, I must note, solicited a laugh from his audience. No one called for any sort of apology from him. (Well, actually, I did, so the following week he only used it once.)

Face it, if a Pentagon general, his salary paid with my tax dollars, can label homosexual acts as "immoral" without a call for his dismissal, who are the moral high and mighty kidding?

Our nation, historically bursting with generosity toward strangers, remains remarkably unkind toward its own. Just under our gleaming patina of inclusiveness, we harbor corroding guts. America, I tell you that it doesn't matter how many times you brush your teeth. If your insides are rotting your breath will stink. So, how do you people choose which hate to embrace, which to forgive with a wink and a week in rehab, and which to protest? Where's my copy of that rule book?

Let me cite a non-volatile example of how prejudice can cohabit unchecked with good intentions. I am a huge fan of David Letterman's. I watch the opening of his show a couple of times a week and have done so for decades. Without fail, in his opening monologue or skit Mr. Letterman makes a joke about someone being fat. I kid you not. Will that destroy our nation? Should he be fired or lose his sponsors? Obviously not.

But I think that there is something deeper going on at the Letterman studio than coincidence. And, as I've said, I cite this example simply to illustrate that all kinds of prejudice exist in the human heart. Some are harmless. Some not so harmless. But we need to understand who we are if we wish to change. (In the interest of full disclosure, I should confess to not only being a gay American, but also a fat one. Yes, I'm a double winner.)

I urge you to look around, or better yet, listen around and become aware of the prejudice in everyday life. We are so surrounded by expressions of intolerance that I am in shock and awe that anyone noticed all these recent high-profile instances. Still, I'm gladdened because our no longer being deaf to them may signal their eventual eradication.

The real point is that you cannot harbor malice toward others and then cry foul when someone displays intolerance against you. Prejudice tolerated is intolerance encouraged. Rise up in righteousness when you witness the words and deeds of hate, but only if you are willing to rise up against them all, including your own. Otherwise suffer the slings and arrows of disrespect silently.

Harvey Fierstein is an actor and playwright.

Idaho

Scott Favor: It's when you start doing things for free, that you start to grow wings. Isn't that right, Mike.

Mike Waters: What?

Scott Favor: Wings, Michael. You grow wings, and become a fairy.

Tempting Young Fruit

Rule #17 : Do not make out at the bar.

While on the town last evening, a boy barely old enough to enter a bar, tricked me into making out with him. While I am no picture of class, I must admit that I hate when I see people suck on each other in public.

Minus 10 points for Q.

tricky angel faces

the things i do. i'm surprised that so many people take so long to figure out how mean i can really be. rule # 4: an angels face is tricky when it comes to me.

all day long all i have been is mean spirited and i am languishing in it similar to when scrooge mcduck dives through his money bin. swimming in hatred is a little cold, but you exit feeling refreshed and ready to start anew.

a perfect example is the plight of don imus. that man has hated everybody for i don't know how many years, and now suddenly a group of 'nappy headed ho's' are going to ruin his career? i doubt it. if there is one thing that we have all learned from howard stern's move to sirius, there is life after exile. he will rise from the ashes like a phoenix, instead of fire spewing bile and gloriousness across the satellite networks the way he should have been all along.

Bite your tongue faggot.

Did you know?

"Drunk Dialing is the hottest new trend in all the big gay circles, and you can't throw your drink at the club without hitting a bitch on her cellphone."

--FagTrends d. Bar Report

And as is typical, I am not in on the fad. With my obsessive need to be different, and because I am stuck in the Jurassic age of cellular technology, I drunk text. Oh but not my friends, just myself.

Ms.Manners tells me that when you're handed the keys to a blog, it is customary to introduce yourself. How polite.

To offer some insight into the workings of Q, I publish for the first time, notes from a drunk.

Jan 24 : Potato Zine
Jan 30 : Mr bigstuff
Feb 01 : I could be a mason. But I don't believe in god
Mar 08 : One minute
Mar 09 : Bite your tongue faggot
Mar 14 : The pussy song
Mar 15 : Jump
Mar 15 : Shave your face rebel
Mar 18 : Dear eagle denver. I want music to sex to.
not music to get my nails done to
Mar 19 : Pulling muscles from a shell
Mar 26 : Hakuna Stigmaa
Apr 04 : I'm so in love with myself
Apr 08 : I'm a stinky boy
Apr 09 : My hands smell like him

Bored.

--q

an open letter (apology in t minor)

dear xxxxxxxxxxx

i am sorry that you feel victimized. i am sorry that you feel abandoned. i am sorry you feel restrained. i am sorry that you surround yourself with death. i am sorry that your death follows you. i am sorry you run to fast. i am sorry your ears bleed at the hint of truth. i am sorry you smoked today. i am sorry you smoked yesterday. i am sorry i am sober. i am sorry you are not. i am sorry that you can't stay. i am sorry you know you left.

you left a long time ago.




there are things that i would like to say, but when i try to speak your voice runs over me, wheels under wheels through a golden spike and a steel hammer. i can't speak.




i am sorry i walked away. i am sorry i didn't support you.

and as i scream and i scream and i scream and i scream and i scream

the rules

you may see from time to time rules listed on here. well the official dhp handbook isn't out yet, but with some work it will be finished by the time the comet hits us in 2012 (see rule #313). still rounding up the posse, but it should be shaping up quite nicely soon.