Get a comb, bitch!

We're seeing more of this mess every day-- Fags 21-40 with messy hair all piled up on the top of their heads, faking out a mock of a false mohawk. What's this damage of flip-flopped ex-A&F, toilet-swirly brats all wanting to all look alike? They look like suburban republican kids and their pedophile Mr. Mom stepdads. Get a grip, Mary. Swish if you want to, but get your own damn beat. Who would've ever thought gays would be endearing capitalist trappings and white-washed facades. Someone get some Manic Panic up in here!

the past: almost

this post was on another site. i called it raising arizona.

breathe in

i've thought a lot about karma in the past few days, and karma has nothing but a fucking twisted sense of humor.

i became so stressed out i lost my voice. it wasn't alcohol or cigarettes or any other body damaging vices; those i kept in check. just at one point, i couldn't speak. maybe it was psychosomatic, and it was my higher self knowing that the foul thoughts that were circling my head should never be spoken like the infinite names of cthulu. or conversely, maybe i knew i had said enough, damning most with half sermons even hypocrites like ted haggard would be proud of.

(for example, at one point over the past week i announced that if someone had come hundreds of miles to embarrass themselves and everyone around them then they should all go to their hotel rooms now satisfied with a big fat mission accomplished, and if they needed any other motivation my foot in their ass was a handy option.)

now, alone for the first time discounting sleep in 2 weeks, i get electronic pleas for forgiveness. thanks for your hospitality....sorry you can't go to that bar for a few weeks... i meant i love you like a brother... i'm sure he'll speak to you in a couple weeks... just tell them i did it... i'll make it up to you....

am i bitter and selfish if i don't forgive? am i wrong to want to punish those that have wronged?

i know it sounds like gay drama, but i'm honestly not prone to that in real life, i just play a disgruntled fag on tv. i shouldn't care about my reputation, my social standing, but i do. and when i'm associated with a herd of drunk guys who don't realize that denver really is a mile high and unless you live here you should really watch your intake, or have my connections look at me sideways because i associate with the type that can't walk around the bar without exaggerating their inebriation, is that reason enough to condemn and chastise because it inconvenienced me?

if you didn't live your life right the first time, don't make me relive it all in one weekend as a learning experience.


although not related to my last post, this is an example of things that i used to write almost every day. why i started this blog in the first place. i need to get back there.

sordid kinda life

i thought about him a few times tonight. i saw a guy that sort of looked like his brother, the brave gay one that came out when he was 18 and didn't get married staring down a double barrel of a trust fund. i thought about where i would be.

we would be scrounging for cash, him between jobs and i mired in mine. we would be drowning our sorrows in local publicity, making our name from bar to bar; more to feed our habits and less to actually be personable. on weekends we would see his kids and visit their 'normal' life with a mother that sees us in the same frame as the sixth grade art project on the fridge. we would fight over missing time spent with each other, a forgotten glance or a missed word.

we would be right where we are right now.

but we would be together.

moderate singing

i went home tonight
and listened to mild musings
and thought a little

it
never happens this way
it shouldn't happen
this way

when i breathe

to the tv viewers

jack bauer had a black president and look what happened

hell

read this to the tune of this

(or this --q)

Damage Watch : February

WHOAH!
It's Black History Month.
I don't really know the rules of how this works.
So are we allowed to write about international black women?
What about people that aren't black.
Because I guess the Aborigines aren't black?

Okay anyway though... there was this war once called the Black War (wikipedia will tell you about it), and it starred this lady named Truganini (yeah she uses only one name), and she was a total fighter for women's rights and stuff.

This is her picture.

Happy Black History Month!

lost found empty

1994 he found me
1998 I lost him
because of me
my fear
my withdrawal
no confidence in joy

ten years later his tears rust my face
it's part of my damage
he will never go away

i worry that his love for me
was my one good chance
maybe my last dance

one more time
it's really all i need
enough disco for me

will i be found again?

something for everyone

co-post eilujsion

"...and on Halloween I dress as a, slave owner..."

Damage Watch : Mormons/Masturbation

Overcoming Masturbation

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Masturbation is a quickly-forming habit that can adversely affect both men and women of all ages. Despite what some might tell you, masturbation is not harmless. If you are trying to overcome masturbation, be assured that it is possible (even though, like any habit, it may take some work). If you are determined to do it, you will be able to. This page will give you some tips that can help you along the way.

Determination is the first step. That is where we begin. You must decide that you will end this practice, and when you make that decision, the problem will be greatly reduced at once.

But it must be more than a hope or a wish, more than knowing that it is good for you. It must be actually a DECISION. If you truly make up your mind you will have the strength to resist temptations which will come to you.

After you have made this decision, then observe the following specific guidelines:

1. Never touch the intimate parts of your body except during normal washing and using the bathroom.
2. Avoid being alone as much as possible. Find good company and stay in this good company, especially when you are feeling particularly weak.
3. If you are associated with other persons having this same problem, YOU MUST BREAK OFF THEIR FRIENDSHIP. Never associate with other people having the same weakness. Don't suppose that two of you will quit together, you never will. You must get away from people of that kind. Just to be in their presence will keep your problem foremost in your mind. The problem must be taken OUT OF YOUR MIND for that is where it really exists. Your mind must be on other and more wholesome things.....

---

Hold on a minute...

Let's think about Item 3 for a minute. According to this guide, just being near someone that jacks off will make you want to jack off too! I did not realize that masturbation was contagious.

How do you go about making friend of like mind? When you chat casually is it okay in Mormon land to just ask if they masturbate, does this topic fit in casual conversation in Mormon circles?

Read the rest HERE. And hope your brain does not explode.